The Continuous Courtship of Time

How we know ourselves from hugs to fears.

Dear Chloé,

How do you know who you are?

Sincerely E.

A year ago my therapist and I were talking on the phone. Week after week I felt this deep monstrous pain that wouldn’t go away. At the end of one of our sessions, she was prompted to ask me what I needed in this space, with this sadness.
“A hug,” I said which felt unnatural to admit.
“Chloé If I were with you, I’d give you a hug.”

It was a normal gesture, this offering, but it was also a profound moment where I was faced with something I didn’t know about myself. I had, for much of my life, thought I had an unwavering distaste for public displays of affection. I was discovering, at that moment, how untrue it was now. Perhaps something I had once felt, but no longer believed in this regard. Spending a moment in these feelings, really looking at them, allowed me the opportunity to see myself more clearly.